


Rizzle and the 121 Lolis – The Original Saga

by Scarbucks_Coffee



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Original Work
Genre: Other, Parody, Rizzle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-16 09:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarbucks_Coffee/pseuds/Scarbucks_Coffee
Summary: In the time before time, seven edgy warrios brought peace to the world we know as the Fire Emblem Fandom. Gather round, young ones, as I bless you with the story of one such warrio, the Seventh Hero of Time – the mighty Rizzle, Lord of the Lolis.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Rizzle and the 81 Lolis – The Bane of Rizzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slow start of the saga, originally starting out as a paragraph I wrote on a whiteboard in my dorm.

Rizzle stood atop a tall seaside Kliff, staring out into the vast ocean blue. From far away he could see the oncoming invaders from the land of the Furries. The Furries and their leader, the tenacious Dat Panda, had never liked Rizzle. "I will kill Rizzle and dance all over his grave," he declared one day, and he then initiated an all out war against Rizzle's country. The Furries were very powerful. Dat himself wielded the legendary Sonic the Hedgehog Toaster, which he used to bash heads with. Rizzle knew his kingdom was in great danger, so he summoned his royal assistant Myrrh and said "I want you to search the land and gather the most mighty warriors in the Kingdom." But Myrrh was a simple minded creature and instead brought a loli to Rizzle. "This will not do," thought Rizzle as he looked down at his new recruit. But then a great idea occurred in Rizzle's genius brain. He decided he would gather an army of lolis to fight back against the furries.


	2. Rizzle and the 125 Lolis – The Morgan Menace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rizzle declares war on the evil Dat Panda.

Rizzle assembled his army of lolis one by one. He would travel all over the land in search of someone, anyone who was willing to fight against the Furries and their nefarious leader Dat Panda. The only people who were unaffected by the menacing aura of the Furries were the lolis. Starting with his trusty assitant Myrrh, Rizzle assembled the 125 lolis in battle formation. He raised his wand of wonder and shouted "Today we attack Castle Furry and liberate the world of all furrykind!" The lolis all cheered in moe excitement and charged at the frunt gate. But the evil Dat Panda, aka the FBI, had been watching Rizzle. "Little do they know, I have set traps all around the fort," he cackled. then he turned to his Whale General, Ismael. "Ismael, I need you to buy me 300 ballistas." Ismael complied and used his endless wallet of monies to buy some ballistas and they were shipped straight to Furry HQ. Dat Panda sta on the ballistas and started to shoot. Rizzle's army was halfway through to the castle gate when the ballisa bolts started to fire. One arrow hit a loli next to him, spearing her eye and instantly killing her. Rizzle cried out in despair as his 125 loli army was reduced to a pitiful 104 by ballista fire. He wondered how Dat Panda had been able to detect the sneak attack as he cradled the body of a dead loli. Filled with rage, Rizzle kicked the door open. Inside was one of Dat Panda's 4 Generals: ZXLucario, the FEH mod. "Welcome Rizzle, we've been expecting you," he said. Rizzle asked him how he knew of their sneak attack and ZX said "the power of the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie fortold this all."

Rizzle shook his head in disbelief. "Attack!" ZXLucario was too smart tho, he used his moderator powers to make a no-loli zone and all 5 lolis in the zone were instantly disintegrated. "Now you can't hide behind an army," said ZX. "Rizzle, I've been waiting a long time to fight you." "You monster!" shouted Rizzle, unsheathing his wand. With one fell swoop, he shot a blast of lightning from the wand. ZX went sprawling on the floor twitching and turning. The anti-loli zone slowly began to disappear. Blood seeped out of ZX's mouth as he spoke again. "Well played." Rizzle then ordered Myrrh to breath fire in his face, killing him. Then Rizzle opened the door to the stairway to the 2nd floor. Just as he opened it, someone slide tackled him to the ground.

"Who are you?" asked Rizzle. "You know who I am!" shouted the man. "I am Edge, the second general of Dat Panda. And you, Rizzle, are a menace pedophile who kidnapped my daughter!" "Uh, what's your daughter's name again?" asked Rizzle, which infuriated edge. "Morgan!!" screamed Edge. "Have you abducted so many lolis that you forgot all their names!?!?!?!?" Suddenly Rizzle remembered. Morgan was the one who had been shot in the eye. "Morgan is dead," said Rizzle. "Dat killed her with his Ballista." IMPOSSIB L E!" shouted Edge. "YOU ARE A LIAR!" He then dragged Rizzle to the top o the building. "Dat my lord, I have captured the one and only Rizzle," said Edge. "Yes, excellent," said Dat. "Then we can kill him and dance on his grave." "Wait," said Edge. "Rizzle claims that you killed my daughter Morgan with a ballista while defending Furry HQ." Dat shook his head. "Nonsense," he lied. "I would never do that. Rizzle just molested her and killed her like the pedophile he is." Edge stared at rizzle in shock. "I did no such thing," said Rizzle. "I do not lewd any lolis. I am not like SD King Otaks." "Liar!" shouted edge. In fury he stomped on Rizzle's armpit.

"W-wait!" cried Ismale the Whale General. He had been watching the entire scene. "I... I saw it. I saw Dat Panda shoot a ballista and kill Morgan."

"Shut up Ishy, no one likes you," said Dat. But Edge was furious. He launched himself at Dat in blind rage. And Dat unsheathed his Sonic the Hedgehog toaster and instantly killed Edge. But this was enough time for Rizzle to escape his chains. Summoning power to his wand of magic, he preppared himself for the upcoming final batttel.


	3. Rizzle and the 123 Lolis – The Demise of Rizzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The climactic battle between the tyrannical Dat Panda and the heroic Rizzle reaches its end.

Dat realized that Rizzle was getting sirius and a trickle of sweat dripped down his inner thigh as Rizzle charged at him. But then he shook his head and shouted "I will not let pedophiles like you ravage the little girls of the world!" To which Rizzle responded "Shut up, I'm not a pedophile and if I was I wouldn't have an army of lolis who loyally fight by my side!" "They're probably enslaved!" shouted Dat. "You have Portugese heritage which means you're probably a slaver!" This drove Rizzle into a frenzy and he signalled his entire army to attack. The lolis swarmed at Dat and began punching at his knees. But Dat was a tall boi, however, and managed to kick some of them away. Meanwhile, Ismael the Whale General watched the scene in horror. "Your puny 12-year old army can't stop me!" shouted Dat as he took his SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (TM)(R)(C)(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED) toaster out of his pants pocket. He raised it up high and smashed it down on the head of the nearest loli - the Blind Girl from Black Bullet. Reeling from the fatal blow, the Blind Girl stumbled backwards before landing face first onto the ground in a bloody mess. Rizzle was horrified and enraged that Dat would hurt such little children. He charged and tried to tackle Dat, but Dat was too tall and managed to overpower Rizzle. He then cooked some toast in the Sonic the Hedgehog toaster, sending a shock wave that disintegrated most of the lolis, and placed his foot triumphantly on Rizzle's fallen body. "I have won," shouted Dat as he smashed the Sonic the Hedgehog Toaster into Rizzle's head. "Now we can kill him and dance on his grave."

But from the side lines, Ismael the Whale general was furious. He had seen Dat kill the Blind Girl in cold blood and that was intolerable to Ismael, as the Blind Girl was a special smol bean to him. Screaming in fury, Ismael donned his Black Knight armor and instantly purchased $300,000 worth of orbs to summon hundreds of manakete-Berukas and lion kink dads to his side. Dat was busy doing the Fortnite dance on Rizzle's body when Ismael shouted "HEYYY!" Dat turned and looked at him. "Ismael you traitor, what have you done?! You just spent all your money on a stupid gacha game!" To which Ismael shook his head and patted one of the lion kink dad's heads. "No. This is my army, and these will be the ones who avenge the innocent Blind Girl!" Ismael then ordered his army to charge, and the dragon Berukas and lion kink dads leapt at Dat and tore him apart piece by piece. Nothing was left of Dat after the carnage ended.

Ismael ran over to the Blind Girl's corpse and cradled her mutilated body in his big whale hands, crying softly to himself. "Why did everyone have to die?" he asked. But then a voice spoke up. "They died for a cause they believed in," said Rizzle weakly, barely alive from the beating that Dat had gibven him and the negative energy of the Fortnite dance that Dat had done on top of him. "Is that not the best kind of death?" To which Ismael fell silent. He walked over to Rizzle's dying body and said "I think I've developed a new respect for you. I'll rebuild this kingdom into a great nation in your name." Rizzle smiled and shook his head. "No, there's no need for that." And with that, his body faded and his spirit returned to the heavens.

Ismael eventually created a kingdom of Whales and other FEH players in Rizzle's name anyways. Even the legendary Chaz Aria LLC took part in this endeavor. He never forgot Rizzle's undying spirit or the fiery passion of his loli army.

Some say that Rizzle's departed spirit still travels the world today, searching for lolis strong enough to fight back against their oppressors. He finds the everyday heroes in each of them and empowers them to stand up for themselves and become more than just a pedophile's sick fantasy, but an independent young woman.


	4. Rizzle and the 123 Lolis – A New Pope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dat Panda may be gone, but the world is far from stable. From the newfound peace, a new threat emerges...

After Rizzle's death, Ismael the Whale General planted a seed of civilization. From that seed sprouted a great, bountiful land that was eventually known as Team Kawaii. But Ismael, feeling guilty over the death of Rizzle, felt like he was unworthy of leading Team Kawaii to their future glory. So he abdicated and went into hiding, disappearing from the face of the earth. Eventually, a high ranking politician with a dragon kink named Nanako stepped up to the plate and became the High Imperator of Team Kawaii. Nanako ruled with mostly fairness and justness for a long time, until she appointed a dangerous, sinister man as her Chief Advisor. That evil man, who eventually would cause the collapse of the great Team Kawaii... was known as ClassZ. ClassZ was a tyrant. He shut down rebellions and polarized the people, and he opened up an IV changing service to seduce his citizens into siding with him. Nanako too followed suit; the once benevolent ruler turned dark, and she too lashed out with corruption and evil. Eventually, a small group, led by a mysterious individual of mystery named Vanukas, openly declared rebellion and war against ClassZ's evil IV editing services. They set up their HQ out in the barrens of Team Kawaii's outer territory and mobilized themselves. One of Vanukas's 4 Generals, the Bone Dad Paste, was sent to look for Ismael the Whale General, because Vanukas himself knew that Ismael's whale power was necessary to kill ClassZ.

BUT

and the but is big...

Paste eventually found Ismael on a small gravestone on a tall seaside Kliff. The Whale General had taken off his Black Knight armor and was laying lots of orbs around the grave. Bones rattling with every step, Paste walked closer to the stone and read it. It was Rizzle's grave stone.

"We need you, Whale General," said Paste. "The world needs you more than ever before." And Ismael said "I cannot leave my precious Rizzle's side. Not yet. I must resurrect him and return him to his former glory!" But then Rizzle's spirit awoke, and whispered some words of wisdom into Ismael's ear. He realized what he had to do, and then turned to paste and said "Never mind. I'm joining, under one condition: you must help me bring back Rizzle." "Who's Rizzle?" asked Paste.

Many months passed as Vanukas and his men prepared for the upcoming battle. Ismael prayed to Rizzle's grave every single day, and every day he brought lolis and orbs to the gravestone in an attempt to revive it. Some of the rebels, such as the lewd Royes and the stalwart JJ, helped Ismael. Most of Vanukas's 4 Generals, however – including Paste the Bone Dad and Defenestrator the Doga General, disapproved of Ismael's fanatic, obsessive behavior. Paste himself even proclaimed that "Rizzle is NSFL, not NSFW, so he is never welcome here!"

This prompted Ismael into a rage and he immediately started to ping Paste again and again. Paste, who hated being pinged, grew into a furious rage and lost all sense of sanity as the little red dots popped on his screen. He lunged at Ismael savagely and tried to tear him apart, But luckily for Ismael, Paste was just a skeleton and Ismael was stronger than him. He backhanded Paste, sending bone dad skrawling against the floor.

"No infighting you idiots!" It was Vanukas, the leader. "We cannot afford to be infighting against the ClassZ threat. We need all the strength we can get. If you have hate, direct it twoards the enemy, not each other." And Paste calmed down. Ismael nodded too. "Tomorrow we attack ClassZ's capital city, the IV changing location," said Vanukas. "You all should rest up." Ismael nodded and went to bed. But before he fell asleep, he heard Rizzle's voice in his ear, barely audible.

"I will return."


	5. Rizzle and the 1235 Lolis – Team Kawaii Strikes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Vanukas Revolution makes its move against the evil Team Kawaii Empire, but there's something else going on behind the scenes...

The next day, the entire Vanukas revolution army stood in front of the gates of Team Kawaii. All of them were former members of the original Team Kawaii, ready to restore their former homeland to its former glory. Vanukas, the ringleader of the Vanukas revolution, was at the front. Clad in a thick black mask and heavy ebony obsidian armor, he raised his blade - etched with an effigy of the deceased Morgan, who had died in the battle with Dat - and rallied his troops, crying "Today, we liberate our homeland from the tyrannical hand of oppression! Today, we change history!"

And the Vanukas revolutionaries charged into Team Kawaii's welcome channel and soon spread all throughout the city. TK's famed Fae Guards were pretty much no match for the invaders storming into the castle.

Ismael, the sole remaining believer of Rizzle, stood strong as he charged into the IV changing station, where people could pay the evil Nanako and ClassZ to get their favorite waifus Heroes into a better IV. It was an illegal DNA altering station that supposedly had some very sketchy side effects and was dangerous for the Hero involved.

Ismael, decked out in his Black Knight armor, walked through the wall of the station. The guards tried to mob him but were all knocked over with one wide swing from his alondite.

The man in charge of the station was one of ClassZ's Terror Generals, the fanatical GOAT. His job was to constantly say the most aggravating and insulting thing possible to irritate the enemy into fucking off. GOAT walked into the building and instantly started being his normal abrasive self. And just like that, half of Ismael's rebel squad were demoralized and walked away.

"GOAT, how's your protein doing?" asked Ishy with a smile on his face, except GOAT couldn't see it because a: he was blind to other people's feelings and b: ismael was wearing his burger king mask.

goat immediately changed his name to negrolord and charged at ismael. ismael immediately dropped $250 worth of money and bought an upgrade to his black knight armor, and he took off his helmet and turned into zelgius. this surge of power instnatly killed goat.

and he died.

Ismael immediately got to work in taking down the facility so that no more heroes could get abused in the same way as ClassZee and Nanannako were doing.

BUT THEN... ClassZ the tyrant arrived. He looked at Ismael with his sharp frog gaze and said "what are you doing to my business, fellow whale?" And Ismael replied "I'm doing this for Rizzle's sake. I craeted this civilization to honor him. do you think Rizzle would be proud of you altering innocent heroes' DNA to make them optimal genetically?" and ClassZ nodded, saying "I'm sure he would love to see all his loli girls with optimal ivs". ClassZ pointed to the other side of the city, where NAnako had arrived and was decimating the rebel fighters. "see, we knew you were going to attack us all this time!" he said. this drove ishy into a frenzy. "HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW WE WERE GOING TO ATTACK US ALL?!" and classz snickered like a little boyi and said "let's just say we had an... insider."

someone walked up to classz's side. it was Myrrh. She had been the spy all along, secretly working for ClassZ. As a matter of fact, even under Rizl's tutelage she had been spying on him for ClassZ. Myrrh was a truly vile abominable villain. Ishy and the rest of the generals tried to call a strategy meeting since ClassZ was to powerful to fight up front. Defenestrator the Doga General volunteered to distract ClassZ while everyone else huddled up. But in the 30 seconds between that moment and when ClassZ cut off Defenestrator's head, they coudln't figure out a way to kill him.

the rebellion was in big trouble. classz was going to kill everybody without a trace of remorse. The bone dad general, Paste, volunteered to distract ClassZ and let everyone else escape. "I'm immortal after all. Since I'm a skeleton. No shit." said paste, making sure to always add a period after every single sentence he said.

But then ClassZ started to do an @ everyone ping. He pinged again and again and again and again, and the entire rebellion was knocked over on its feet from the sheer force of the ping. Paste, who hated being pinged, was slowly driven insane. He began to clutch his head with his hands and dug his nails into his skull until his brain finally snapped in half. As a finishing touch, ClassZ stopped pinging everyone and instead pinged only Paste, and that final ping shot through Paste's head, shattering the bone entirely. And just like that, bone dad was gone for good.

Ismael reached into his wallet. He was ready to get some more lion kink dads to protect him. Anything to defeat the legendary villain ClassZ from killing anyone else. But then, someone else stepped to the plate. Someone with a dark red name and obsidian armor.

"Stand back and get out of here," said Vanukas. "I can take care of him."

"But how?!" said Ismael in disbelief. "You can't! ClassZ is just too strong!"

"You should know how strong I really am," said Vanukas, taking off his mask. Underneath the mask was an eerily familiar face - someone who Ismael thought had died long ago.

It was-


	6. Rizzle and the 1357 Lolis – Return of the Rizzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epic finale. The Vanukas Rebellion has been backed into a corner by the evil menace known as ClassZ. How will they get out of this one?

"Stand back and get out of here," said Vanukas. "I can take care of him."

"But how?!" said Ismael in disbelief. "You can't! ClassZ is just too strong!"

"You should know how strong I really am," said Vanukas, taking off his mask.

Underneath the mask was an eerily familiar face - someone who Ismael thought had died long ago.

It was… **Dat Panda, all along!!**

ClassZ’s mouth dropped in surprise. “What?!? You died long ago! Even I know the legend of Rizzle standing up against your tyrannical empire! You slaughtered him and Fortnite danced on his grave, but then the legendary Whale General Ismael rose up against you and struck you down with the power of gacha!”

Dat shook his head. “No, you are wrong. For as long as the spirit of revolution is alive, I will always be there to break the kneecaps of injustice and pedophilia.” To which ClassZ looked on in great confusion. “Just because I asked all the girls in the server for nudes doesn’t make me a pedo you stupid dunce!!!1!1!!!!!!1!11111!! also why are yoou obsessed with kneecaps?” Dat smiled and said “well, lemme tell you a little secret: I’ve got a huuuuuuuuuuuge kink for kneecaps. Especially breaking them off of people and rubbing them on my face and skin.” A terrified expression broke out on ClassZ’s face as he heard those horrific words.

Vanukas – or rather, Dat Panda – turned to Ishy and gestured for him to run. Ishy, clearly nervous, refused to go. “ClassZ is the strongest person in the land of Discord. He can change your IVs! Staying here is suicide!” But Dat Panda shook his head and said “Any sacrifice is a worthy sacrifice for revolution.” And, using his amazing kneecap magic, he teleported Ishy away.

When Ishy returned to his senses he was sitting in a Vanukas revolution camp. It was the end of the first day of the war, and both armies were hurting badly. There had been heavy losses upon both sides; three of the Terror Generals had been slain. GOAT the Ass Knight had been killed by Ismael himself. Wylie the Axe Terror was taken down by Defenestrator earlier on, and Iwon the Loli General had vanished out of sight. Likewise, the commanding force of Vanukas had been greatly weakened. Defenestrator2.0 the Doga General was no more, and neither was Paste the Bone Dad. Both had been killed to death by ClassZ. And Vanukas himself - or rather, Dat Panda - had disappeared after he teleported Ishy to safety.

The only commanding officer left in Vanukas, besides Ishy himself, was Pops the Australia General. Pops was always upside down and standing on his head, and he had a constant army of drop bears proteccing him from all and any harm. As Ishy awoke, he saw Pops approach with a grim expression on his face.

“Nanako, ClassZ and that evil scum of the earth villain Myrrh are still somewhere out there,” he said. “And we still have no idea how to take down ClassZ himself.”

Pops led Ishy to the Vanukas rebellion’s makeshift planning table: there, three other Generals had been appointed to replace those who had been lost. Replacing Defenestrator was Chak the Hebben general, a man of Filipino nature and a karaoke soul whose gacha hand was permanently glued to his epic 7 waifus. Alongside him, in Paste’s bony chair, was Arckiel the Sauce General, whose power over waifu pictures could cause remote orgasms into whoever he wanted. Ishy himself had used Arck’s services many times to summon thicc ara ara oneesans to suffocate him with their thighs.

Pops slammed his upside down feet on the table to start the meeting. “Alright guys, we have a big problem. We need to find a kink in ClassZ’s armor somehow. The man is invincible and nobody can figure out why.”

But nobody was paying attention since Chak was busy drawing on his tablet and Arck was scouring danbooru for more animated thigh images. Pops looked at Ishy and sighed, but Ishy couldn’t actually see it because Pops was upside down and his face was underneath the table.

The Vanukas army was quite powerful in its own right. It had many a strong warrior, but it lacked the cohesion that only a great and stronk leader like Vanukas himself could provide.

Then there was a great mighty crash as the body of Vanukas smashed into the planning table, tearing up billions of important documents and sending all sorts of papers in the air. Standing above the rubble were the terrible three: Nanako, ClassZ, and the most evil creature in the history of the universe, Myrrh the betrayer. She had sold out every single secret that Vanukas had, and now the tides were turning in ClassZ’s favor.

Weary and barely alive, Vanukas – or rather, Dat – shoved himself up and held a bloody piece of bone up in the air with a trembling hand. “I got his kneecaps,” he said, giggling to himself like a little girl, before he began coughing again and his arm drooped to the ground. Ishy looked over at Class and noticed a huge bloody mess where his legs used to be. ClassZ’s entire legs had been torn off at the kneecap. Ishy couldn’t help but wonder where the rest of ClassZ’s legs were.

Not wasting any time, Pops pushed himself up and sent his drop bears on the assault. The drop bears leapt at Nanako, gnawing her Fae costume until it was all mangled up. Unfortunately for Nanako, she was nowhere as strong as ClassZ and was having trouble handling the drop bears until Myrrh breathed hell upon them and scared them away.

“This is the last stand of Vanukas,” declared Ishy heroically. “If we lose here, the entire rebellion falls! We cannot lose!” He whipped out his credit card and began to whale, gifting Discord Nitro to everyone in the vicinity. Renewed with fresh vigor and empowered with the ability to spam emoji GIFs, the entire Vanukas army leapt at the three evil villains.

But ClassZ was prepared. With a flick of his wrist, the entire Vanukas army had their IVs changed to -Attack. All the gifs did naught but bounce off harmlessly now. With the army disabled, Myrrh took center stage and set the ragtag army ablaze.

Ishy could feel the heat slowly eating through his Burger King armor. He saw his helmet break off and he turned into zelgius again. To his left, he saw Chak the Hebben general struggling to stand; beside him, Pops fell face-first into the Great Flame of Myrrh and burst into fire. In that moment, it seemed that all was lost for the rebellion of Vanukas.

Giving into despair, Ishy fell backwards into Myrrh’s torturous hell trap and closed his eyes, welcoming the embrace of d-

_**“Don’t give up yet!”** _

A voice, loud and clear, echoed in Ishy’s head.

_**“Remember the things that you fight for.”** _

Ishy saw images of thighs and ara ara oneesans flash in front of his eyes.

He saw Idunn’s 3 different arts and his beloved lion kink dad.

He saw his precious server mates, for whom he had spent way too much money on just so they could post animated gifs.

And, most importantly, he saw the man whom he had never, ever given up his faith in.

––––––––––––––––––––––

**“I have returned,”** said Rizzle. **“Ismael, my most loyal follower, are you still willing to give your heart, your soul and your everything for me?”**

Ishy, quietly, said “yes” under his breath, and Rizzle’s endless magical powers surged into him..


	7. Rizzle and the 1,000,000,000 Lolis – The Epic Grand Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 6 was so long it had to be split in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUIRED BGM FOR THIS UPCOMING READING: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxhGDwsLD60

With a great flash of light, Ishy’s body was engulfed by the sheer power that was called Rizzle. All three of the villainous vile villains stepped back in horror as the Black Knight armor vaporized into sand, and the person underneath it morphed into a 12-year old girl. Cloaked within the power of Rizzle, Ishy could feel huge thighs of energy crushing his face. He was in nirvana.

“I-impossible!” shouted ClassZ. “Rizzle has returned! This cannot be!” He immediately tried to kick Nanako towards Rizzle in an attempt to save his own skin, but Rizzle was uninterested in the smol fry. Nanako and her Fae body suit disintegrated the moment she stepped in a 3 yard radius of Rizzle.

Next up was Myrrh, the betrayer. Seeing how powerful Rizzle’s true power was, she fell to her knees and began to lick his feet in an attempt to gain his favor. But Rizzle did naught but step back, a look of pure disgust on his face. **“Who do you think I am? I am not a degenerate. Myrrh, you were once my most trusted advisor. Look at this filth that you have become!”**

And with a flick of his wrist he banished Myrrh to eternal suffering, where she would be tortured day in and day out for the rest of her sorry existence.  
ClassZ was staring in shock. He had shit himself twice in watching his two underlings get destroyed. He tried to run away but because he had no kneecaps, he tripped over some rubble and landed face first in the dirt. Rizzle got the drop on him and whipped out that Willam Double J Palmer broken arm combination and all of ClassZ’s bones instantly broke. He screeched a pitiful cry as Rizzle raised his fist once more.

**“Begone, thou evil creature!”**

And with that last blow, the evil of ClassZ was slain.

BGM STOP

Rizzle looked around at the rubble surrounding him. The battle was finally over, and peace had been restored. But his job wasn’t done yet. From inside his body, Ishy asked his lord and savior what needed to be done. Rizzle remained silent.

He walked over to the body of Vanukas – or rather, Dat. His nemesis was barely alive, clutching to ClassZ’s kneecaps like it was his lifeline. Rizzle looked down at him in pity.  
 **“You actually did something right for once,”** he said. **“It’s thanks to you that the rebellion even happened, and as a result peace shall be restored.”** “It’s too bad,” said Dat. “I never got to truly Fortnite dance on your grave in this continuity.” Rizzle shook his head. **“That’s because I never died. I am ageless, and I am eternal.”**

“I see.” And, knowing this eternal truth, Dat Panda, the mortal enemy of Rizzle and founder of the Vanukas Revolution, finally died for good.

At this point, Ishy could feel the energy thighs slowly asphyxiating him. He didn’t actually notice until Rizzle said “My time is up, Ishy. If I stay here any longer, you shall die.” Ishy wouldn’t actually mind dying by Rizzle’s mega thighs but he reluctantly acknowledged. **“You must pioneer the next generation,”** said Rizzle as he left Ishy’s body.

Then he was gone. The warmth that was once there disappeared, replaced with the vast void of destruction from the war between Vanukas and Team Kawaii. Ishy looked on at his fellow rebels. Many of them had been slain by the attack, yet… there were some who were alive.

Wearily, steadily, he assembled the survivors in ClassZ’s town hall.

“Today, we have won the revolution,” said Ishy. “And it was all thanks to one man: the great and powerful Rizzle.”

Though Ishy was a great supporter of the movement, he was not the one to rebuild civilization from its ashes. Neither was Vanukas – its power crumbled the moment Dat had died. Instead, a new hero arose: the Original Panda, PANDAmonium, stood up to lead the troubled people through troubled times. He and his chief advisor Felicia poured many hours in restoring the land once known as Team Kawaii back to its original state – or, even better.

Some say that Rizzle is still watching even from above, and that if a loli prays to him, her prayer will always be answered. From his position as God’s very attendant, he spreads joy and happiness throughout the world by granting the wishes of the lolis, the forgotten people of the Earth.


	8. Testimonials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the course of sharing these stories, I've collected quite a hefty amount of feedback. Here's what the people think about this historically factual legend.

"Why? How long did this take? What did it cost?" -Edge

"Fooking beautiful man" -Ismael

"This story sucks, I do not have enough autism to comprehend this story" -Holy Lord Knight Unicorn Jesus

"fuckin' myrrh that dumb bitch smh" -Swiper

"what the fuck, Sonic the Hedgehog Toaster?" -Guzma

"I have a number of questions" -Broey

"Dosu your story is bad and you should feel bad" -Dat Panda

"Rizzle will return one day, lads" -Ismael  
"If he does, I'll kill the bastard again" -Dat

"?????" -Elias

"Hello Mr. Chun. We did not approve your Google AdSense application for the reasons listed below:  
  
Sensitive content: Google believes strongly in freedom of expression and offers broad access to content across the web. At the same time, we reserve the right to exercise discretion when reviewing sites for AdSense. We've found that your website contains content that we don't allow at this time. AdSense policy doesn't currently accept sites that advocate against any individual, group, or organization. Please review our policies for a complete list of site content not allowed on webpages."

-Google AdSense

"Rizzle Redemption Arc when?"  
"'I want to have sex with a lion'... Oops I meant 'I'm going to the grocery store'" -Ismael

"Holy shit" -Boopy

"this is the best story. Blessed Dosu, Rizzle is good civ" -Ishy

"This is fucking wack" -Boopy

"holy shit lmao this is fucking glorious" -IdBangMGrima

"That Rizzle guy was weird... stfu, ur supposed to say "no, he was just... huuh, something." You're the writer here" -R is L

"Myrrh ain't st00pid, she a qt" -R is L

"You're a fucking legend" -R is L

"what a fucking piece of art" -Kat

"Ismael would never betray dat. I'm literally shaking right now. This is blasphemy on the highest level" -Pops the Australian

"I'm LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW" -Pops after chapter 5

"Rizzle never truly left. He lives in the hearts of all lolis" -Ismael

"This man thinks I use pants?" -Rizzle  
"Rizzle has evolved beyond the use of mere fabric" -Ismael

"i don't like this parody of 101 dalmations very much" -ivaldi

"What's a Rizzle?" -ZXLucario

"LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA LADY RHEA" -Mug

"We should make a history of this server that isn't about Rizzle" -Dat

"This is art. Nobel Peace Prize to Dosu when?" -Ishy

"no" -Dat Panda

"Dude, this is beautiful" -Arckiel

"of course it's the kneecaps smh" -Dat Panda

"...okay that part does sound good I will admit" -Dat  
 _AN: I GOT DATS APPROVAL!!!1!111!!1 :0000000000000000_


	9. Rizzle and the 182 Lolis – Scrapped Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elusive cut content, approved by Dat Panda himself.

rizzle and the 123 lolis part 4: the aftermath

dat was rolling around in his grave when rizzle's spirit approached him. "why do you hate me?" he asked dat. "i've never l– _fuck it im not writing another one so soon this gives me cancer every time i write one_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The best one yet, 10/10" -Dat


End file.
